


Just Sleep

by musicfeind2392



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: And finally a bit of realization, M/M, Then there's some pining, There's some sleeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-03 16:48:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2857892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicfeind2392/pseuds/musicfeind2392
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four moments were sleep is sometimes the best medicine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Sleep

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vinniebatman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinniebatman/gifts).



> This was that Secret Santa gift for vinniebatman! Thanks for wating for it and I hope you like it.

Jim Kirk would be lying if he said that he had never checked out Leonard ‘Bones’ McCoy. Granted, it wasn’t when they first met, what with both of them being hungover, one covered in blood and the other in regret. It was when they had both settled in a bit; dressed in cadet reds and with three square meals a day, Leonard McCoy was a sight to behold. Even more of a sight, though, was when the man was actually relaxing in civvies at a bar of Leonard’s choosing. Usually a sleepy, smoky jazz club, Leonard would cradle a few fingers of bourbon and smile with his eyes closed and revel in the sound.

Yeah, Jim had looked his fill. Maybe not his fill, because he didn’t really think that he could ever get his fill of looking at that phenomenal ass, or the way that he almost smiled, or the way that he was gruff when he wanted so desperately to be affectionate... 

Okay, so maybe Jim was kind of falling for the man, but, honestly, how could you not? Leonard McCoy was...his Bones. Jim didn’t very often acknowledge that he needed something, but this man, Bones, he needed. 

But lately, Jim had noticed that Leonard was more tired than normal. He was coming back to his room later, he was pulling more shifts at the hospital, he was more snappish than usual. He was more like a cranky bear than anything else, and Jim was less than amused. 

But more than that, Leonard was dodging his COMMs. Every once in a while they would simply wait to answer COMMs until they were eating lunch together, or walking to one study session or another, but Leonard was down right avoiding him. Skipped lunches, long shifts and reschedules were only excuses for so long. 

But Jim was a certifiable genius that didn’t believe in no win scenarios, and he was going to get to Leonard, and he was going to sit the man down and make sure that he was taking care of himself. So he hacked into Leonard’s schedule through one of the terminals at the library, and found when his Bones should have some free time. It turned out that Leonard was completely booked until the end of his shift at 2300 hours. 

Huh. 

Well, that should be easy. Jim would just wait for him at Starfleet Medical, and then catch him as he’s walking back to his building. No worries. 

But there were worries, because when Jim staked out the best place to wait at the front of Starfleet Medical with a coffee in his hand, the coffee was hot. Now, it was still warm, but after a half hour it was not as hot as Leonard would like. He briefly debated going into Medical and warming it up in the nurses lounge that he knew that he could talk his way into, but he decided against it. His Bones would be out soon, and he didn’t want to miss the man. 

It wasn’t for another hour or so that Jim caught Leonard wearily shuffling out of Starfleet Medical. “Bones!” Jim called to him with a smile on his face. 

Leonard didn’t even look to see if someone had called out to him. Weird. 

“Bones?” Jim asked as he tapped him on the shoulder. The man was essentially crawling, but he was determined not to let Jim catch up with him, or make eye contact with anyone. 

Bones grunted in response. 

“I have coffee,” Jim tried to entice him. 

Leonard whirled around and practically yelled at him, “What in the hell makes you think that I want to stay up any longer than I already have?”

Jim reared back and almost spilled the coffee that he was holding. “I didn’t, I just-”

“You just what? Good lord Jim, what did you want?!”

Jim gaped at him. “Bones, I know that you’ve been super busy lately, but what the hell is wrong with you?”

Leonard looked as though he was about to start a pretty enthusiastic rant, but then he stopped. He sighed. “Sorry, kid. I haven’t been sleeping well, and I thought that I could work myself to sleep with clinic shifts.”

Jim was puzzled for a moment and then it clicked. Bones divorce. It was this time of year, he thought. He had to leave everything that he knew, had to say goodbye to his practice, his home...

“I could help to distract you,” Jim offered lightly.

Leonard looked at him for a moment and then Jim saw him grimace, and in all honesty that hurt more than the yelling. “I don’t need a pity fuck,” Leonard spat as he brushed Jim aside. Granted, it wasn’t very aggressive, but it still hurt. What the hell? His Bones was in a bad place and he needed rest, and he always said that he slept well when he was sharing a bed because it was warmer than sleeping alone. He couldn’t let his Bones go to an empty bed to toss and turn all night, he needed to take care of the surly man slowly walking away from him.

Jim clamped his mouth shut before he could spew any of that, though, or even worse it wouldn’t be a pity fuck if you would sleep with me, it would be the real thing! “Just to sleep!” Is what Jim decided to call out to him. 

Leonard stopped and turned halfway around. 

“Sleep with me. Just sleeping; I couldn’t care less if we’re wearing five layers of clothes or none at all. You belong in my bed. You deserve to feel the comfort I call ‘paradise’.”

Leonard did look at the kid then. “Paradise, huh?”

Jim, well-it looked as though he blushed-but soldiered on. “Well, it won’t be as good as I can normally make it,” he said with a wink. His Bones rolled his eyes and went to throw a retort at that, but Jim hurried on, “but I promise that you’ll be able to sleep and you’ll feel better in the morning.”

Leonard fought with himself for a moment and Jim had a mild moment of panic when he thought to himself, “If you do this, you’ll have to live with the knowledge of what it feels like to have him pressed against you, sleep slack and perfect.” 

“All right, kid. But I should warn you, I snore.”

*

He was burning from the inside out. There was no way around it, but he had to keep moving. All he wanted to do was let the dizziness and the vertigo swallow him, but he had to keep crawling forward. His hands were blistered and with every touch they were popping open and leaking blood and-searing pain-god he was in so much pain...

“Jim?”

He was roused from his sleep by what he thought was Bones’ voice. Jim blinked blearily and tried to orient himself to where he was. Starfleet medical. He was in a bio bed and Bones was looking at him with concern. He tried to smile, but with the look on his Bones’ face he knew that it fell short of it’s usual cheer. 

“Bones?”

Leonard grabbed his hand and tried to smile a bit. “You know what today is, kid?”

Jim repressed a flinch and tried to think, but his mind was still consumed by that nightmare. He shook his head in an attempt to shake the dream off. 

“You’re goin‘ home today, kid. Well, you’re goin‘ to a Starfleet issued shoebox, but it’s somethin‘ other than Starfleet Medical, huh?”

Jim did smile then, “You comin‘ with me?”

Leonard nodded, “As long as you want me to,” he whispered. 

Jim nodded furiously.

“Okay, then let’s break you outta here, yeah?”

Jim let Leonard brace him as he got out of his bio bed and into the hover chair. Jim was too proud to say that he actually needed help, but Jim knew that Leonard knew- from a medical standpoint- how weak Jim must be, so he stood by, and if Jim needed Leonard to catch him, well, Leonard certainly wasn’t going to tell anyone. 

The ride back to the apartment building was short and quiet with Jim was just reveling in being outside of the hospital. It had been so long since he had been able to see anything outside of his window in his room. He wanted to smell the air, hear the birds, feel the wind and the rain on his skin; he wanted to know that he was on Terra and that he would be okay, that he was alive. 

Jim waited as Leonard got the hover chair out of the trunk of the hover car and hobbled slowly into the seat. It wasn’t a terribly long walk from the lobby of the building to the elevators, but Jim was beat. After all, it had been months since he had been upright for longer than a PT session. 

By the time that they made it to the front door, Jim was basically falling asleep on Leonard’s shoulder. He didn’t want to though, he had been sleeping for so long-he didn’t want to sleep anymore, damn it- so he pushed off of his Bones and into the two bedroom apartment. He used his momentum to fall onto the couch and just sit there for a moment so that he could get his strength up...

“Jim?” Leonard asked as he rushed over, ready to whip his tri-corder out and start gathering data. 

“Damn it, Bones, I’m fine,” Jim sighed out tiredly from his position slumped on the couch. 

“You’re obviously not, kid. You just collapsed.”

“I didn’t collapse. I was aiming for this spot.”

“You were aiming to be half on the couch?”

“Yes.”

“And, let me guess, you just so happened to want to take as few steps as possible between the door and the couch?”

“Fucking hell, Bones, maybe!” Jim was righteously angry now. He stood and went toe to toe with his Bones. The man didn’t know what he was feeling or what he went through. It wasn’t as though he had asked Leonard to save his life. Leonard just did; couldn’t even think of letting him go. 

“Damn it, Jim, don’t fucking lie to me. Just let me-”

Jim threw a hand up and smacked the tri-corder out of his Bones’ hand. The moment that he did it, Jim was sorry, but he was so tired of being fussed over and questioned and he just wanted to be treated like a normal fucking person.

“Bones-”

“Don’t.” Bones answered him with an icy tone. “If you want me gone, just tell me, don’t hurt my fucking equipment in the process.”

“I don’t want you gone, Bones. I just...” Jim sighed and searched for the right words. “I want you to treat me like I’m Jim. Just Jim. That I didn’t get an infusion of Khan’s blood, that I wasn’t just in the hospital for months. I want you to know that I’m not fucking breakable at every pass, and that if I decide that I want to flop onto my own Starfleet appointed couch then I can fucking do that.”

“I can’t treat you like another one of my patients, Jim, because you aren’t like any of my other patients! I tried a radically new procedure that I just fucking created because you were fucking dead!”

“I know that I was fucking dead! I didn’t ask for you to save me, Bones! What the fuck do you want from me?!”

“Sleep with me!” Leonard yelled at him. He paused and took stock of Jim’s reaction before continuing. “Sleep with me. I...I want to know that I helped to recreate the warmth that left your fingertips months ago...I want to hear you breathe easily again as the sound drowns out every single worry on my mind. Just...sleep so that I can see that you’re really here and you’re not going anywhere.”

Jim stood stock still. His mind should be whirling, but it was still and silent. Bones wanted to sleep with him? To make sure that he was okay? No sex, just sleepy cuddles and holding each other?

After a long moment, Jim nodded. “Okay, Bones, whatever you need.”

*

Leonard had just finished his rounds when he found his way to Jim’s door. Today was the day that the kid was allowed to go home, or at least, what Starfleet appointed as ‘home’. Leonard had only been to his tiny apartment once before he turned around and never went back. It was too confining, to sterile...too far from Jim. What if Jim needed him and he got stuck in traffic, what if-

Leonard shook his head. No, there was no need for what-if’s. Jim was going to be discharged and that was going to be the end of it, save for the weekly appointments to check his progress. 

Leonard slipped into Jim’s room and saw the look of concentration on his brow. There was no need for that-the kid should be resting easy. Was something hurting him? Was he having nightmares? Was there a reason for Jim to look so upset while he was unconscious?

“Jim?” 

Jim blinked and Leonard studied his readings on the monitor beside the bed. They seemed to be normal, heart rate and temperature up a bit, but not so far that it was worrisome. 

“Bones?”

Leonard smiled at the nickname that he thought that he might not ever hear again. He sat on the edge of the bio bed and grabbed Jim’s hand. “You know what today is, kid?” He asked softly. He noticed the way that Jim tried to repress a flinch, but didn’t comment. He watched as Jim shook his head, and Leonard didn’t know whether it was because of the nightmare that he was trying to shake off, or because he didn’t remember the relevance of today. He thought it would be odd that Jim wouldn’t remember what today was, but answered his own question anyway. “You’re goin‘ home today, kid. Well, you’re goin‘ to a Starfleet issued shoebox, but it’s somethin‘ other than Starfleet Medical, huh?”

He watched as Jim did smile, then and felt his own answering grin in return. 

“You comin’ with me?” Jim asked him, and Leonard’s heart swelled.

“As long as you want me to,” Leonard answered through the lump in his throat. He smiled as he watched Jim nod furiously, and then asked him, “let’s break you outta here, yeah?”

Jim agreed and Leonard braced him as Jim moved from the bio bed to the hover chair. Leonard knew that Jim was pretty weak right now, and counted his blessings that Jim wasn’t fighting with him on his mother hen-ing. There was only so much that Leonard could deal with in one day, and he didn’t think that Jim bitching about how he wasn’t a fragile flower was going to be on the list of bearable discussions. 

The car ride back to the apartment building was quiet. Jim was fascinated with the world as it glanced by the window of the car and Leonard was quietly freaking to fuck out. If Jim was at home, that meant that there was no way that Leonard could watch over him discreetly. That meant that Jim would have to tell him if there was something wrong, and somehow, Leonard knew that Jim wouldn’t COMM him unless it was life threatening. The entire ride up the elevator was just Leonard debating ways to see Jim and keep in contact with him without being to overbearing, and by the time that they made it to Jim’s door, the other man was exhausted.

Leonard watched as Jim attempted to go from the entryway to the couch, and essentially collapse in the process.

“Jim?” Leonard asked as he rushed over to Jim with his tri-corder out. Jim was slumped in one of the seats, but he looked exhausted and like he was on the verge of passing out. 

“Damn it, Bones, I’m fine,” Jim sighed out at him. 

“You’re obviously not, kid. You just collapsed.” And don’t even try to tell me otherwise.

“I didn’t collapse, I was aiming for this spot.”

“You were aiming to be half on the couch?” Leonard asking with disdain. Of course he didn’t mean to. He was just being obnoxious, the little pain in the ass. 

“Yes.”

Infant. “And let me guess: you just so happened to want to take as few steps as possible to get from the door to the couch?”

“Fucking hell, Bones, maybe!” Jim yelled at him as he got up off the couch in an effort to show Leonard that he was fine and that he would continue to be fine and no, he did not need a baby sitter. Typical.

“Damn it, Jim, don’t fucking lie to me. Just let me-” but before he could get the rest of his request out, Jim smacked the tri-corder out of his hand. Leonard watched it hit the floor and skid underneath an end table. He rounded back to Jim, who looked apologetic.

“Bones-”

“Don’t.” He answered with an icy tone. “If you want me gone, just tell me, don’t hurt my fucking equipment in the process.” It’s the only way to know for sure what’s going on with you, because you refuse to fucking let me in. 

“I don’t want you gone, Bones, I just...I want you to treat me like I’m Jim. Just Jim. That I didn’t get an infusion of Khan’s blood, that I wasn’t just in the hospital for months. I want you to know that I’m not fucking breakable at every pass, and that if I decide that I want to flop onto my own Starfleet appointed couch then I can fucking do that.”

Leonard was furious. “I can’t treat you like another one of my patients, Jim, because you aren’t like any of my other patients!” He yelled. “I tried a radically new procedure that I just fucking created because you were fucking dead!” 

“I know that I was fucking dead! I didn’t ask for you to save me, Bones! What the fuck do you want from me?!”

“Sleep with me!” Leonard yelled at him. Fuck, he’d said too much. He never meant for that to come out but he was so fucking angry and tired and didn’t he know what Jim was doing to him? Didn’t he understand how important Jim was to him? “Sleep with me. I...I want to know that I helped to recreate the warmth that left your fingertips months ago...I want to hear you breathe easily again as the sound drowns out every single worry on my mind. Just...sleep so that I can see that you’re really here and you’re not going anywhere.”

He watched as Jim stood still for a long moment. Jim never stood still, unless something was truly registering with him, like when he realized that he wasn’t going to be able to beat the Kobyashi Maru, or when he realized that Pike wouldn’t be his commanding officer, or when he realized that Pike was dead....

“Okay, Bones, whatever you need.”

*

Leonard was amazed at what that kid could pull off. When he first met Jim Kirk, Leonard was a drunk, aviophobic man with nothing to lose. Now, he was the top of his class at Starfleet Medical branch, he was stationed on the flagship and he was serving as the CMO. And he wasn’t even really that scared at the prospect. He was still a blustering cantankerous doctor, but he had a home now; he had somewhere where he belonged. 

Jim. 

He belonged with Jim. Since they met on that shuttle, they were inseparable. He grew from having Jim become his fast friend, to falling in love with the other man. Sure, it was hard, but that’s how Jim needed him, and so Leonard would be Jim’s friend. That was enough for him right now. 

And then with what happened with the Narada and with Khan, Jim was even more in need of someone that he could trust. He was scared, Leonard knew, of all the things that could go wrong. He was scared that he wouldn’t know how to handle being in command. He was scared of no one taking him seriously and then the Admiralty taking away his ship. He was scared of having to prove himself again and again and one day just not being able to make it out of a no-win scenario and just...

Leonard shook his head. No, Jim would always be able to get out, get away. He was a survivalist. He would always get away. Leonard got up from his desk in sickbay and stretched. It was the end of his shift, and he knew that Jim would be off shift as well. Leonard had tried to COMM him earlier, but Jim hadn’t answered him. It was odd, but he figured that Jim was engrossed in something in his ready room and that he hadn’t noticed his COMM going off.

Leonard flipped his COMM open. “Sickbay to Jim.”

Nothing. Weird. 

“Jim?”

Still nothing. Leonard flipped the communicator closed. 

“Computer, location of Captain Kirk.”

“Captain Kirk is in his assigned quarters,” the computer told him in an automated tone. 

Leonard walked calmly out of his office in Sickbay and down to the turbo lift. Really, he wanted to run and figure out why Jim was in his quarters and not responding, but it was fine. He was probably in the shower or something. There was probably a perfectly good reason for him not answering. 

He doesn’t really remember how he gets to Jim’s door, if there was muppet-esque flailing or if he was cool and collected, but he found himself ringing the chime on the door. 

No answer. 

“Jim?”

When Leonard didn’t hear anything, he entered in his override and the door popped open. He entered to suite carefully, not wanting to spook the man.

“Jim? Where are ya?”

He heard a sniffle from the bedroom area and made his way over there. He found his captain, his beautiful Jim, curled in a ball and sobbing into his arms. 

“Jim, what’s goin‘ on?” 

“I can’t do it, Bones. I’m not...I...” he dissolved back into tears, and Leonard crouched down in front of him. 

“Jim, darlin’, what is wrong?”

“I’m not a good captain, Bones. I’m so afraid of everything. I can’t close my eyes without seeing Khan and Pike and all the people I’ve failed. I’m fucking useless. I couldn’t save a whole fucking planet, hell, I don’t even know how Spock can stand to serve under me.”

“He knows that there was nothing that you could have done. Jim you’re not a bad captain. People look up to you. You saved Earth, twice. You defeated the Romulans, you saved the ship from Khan, you mean everything to the crew.”

It just made Jim cry harder. Leonard was at a loss. 

“I’m so scared, Bones. I’m so scared and tired and just...”

“Come on, Jim.”

Jim looked up at him with quizzical watery eyes. 

“Sleep with me. You deserve to feel safe and I’ll do everything in my power to make that happen. I know that it helped after the warp core, and I know that you’re off shift for the rest of the day. Just, sleep with me.”

Jim looked at him a moment as if studying him, and then nodded. Leonard helped him up off the floor and stripped him of his command gold and his pants, leaving him in a black undershirt and boxers. he led Jim to the bed, pulled the blankets back and laid him down on the left side of the bed. Leonard circled around to the right, stripped off the same amount of clothes and crawled in next to him. 

“I know that you’re a good captain, and I know that you will do your best to keep everyone safe,” he whispered to Jim. “You’re a good man, Jim, and I know that I’m safe with you. Please know that you’re safe with me. No matter what happens, I’ll always be looking after you.”

Jim snuggled closer and sighed. Then said, “I love you, Bones. Thank you.”

Leonard’s breath hitched and his heart sped up. “I love you, too, Jim. Now sleep. You’ll feel better after a little bit of decent rest.”

Jim nodded and drifted off. 

The end


End file.
